When green means brown

Very worried today.

I need to buy some wood to complete an upcycling project I’m working on at home.

But to transport the wood I’ll need to use my car, which I actually use very sparingly. I generally use my cycle (with trailer when necessary) for just about everything else.

Question: Am I even allowed to use my car without first asking and receiving St. Greta’s permission? She’s currently out in mid-Atlantic on a sailing-boat paid for by someone else and fitted with a fossil-fuel powered auxiliary engine (the boat’s hull and most of its fittings are made of ecologically unsound petroleum-based materials) and I can’t get hold of her without using my Israeli-powered satellite communication devices – and we all know that nothing Israeli is ever ethical or morally justified, right? So that means I can’t get hold of her to secure that all-important permission to complete my eco-friendly project.

I could of course always seek the approval of the Green Party. But yesterday I found out they are still completely absorbed in producing legislation prohibiting the sale of products made by Jews (and only products made by Jews) in the Jewish provinces of Samaria and Judea (as the name indicates, Judea is the province of the Jews).

So what to do? I’m almost finished with my upcycling project, but need that wood to put the finishing touches to it prior to installation.

On the one hand, upcycling is the ultimate environmentally friendly way of living – and many of the features in my home are the result of my dedication to upcycling, recycling and repurposing.

But on the other hand, if I can’t get hold of St. Greta, I’m going to commit a sin, possibly even break the law, by using my own car which I paid for out of my own after-tax income and which I park in my own parking space which I pay for out of my own salary, and refuel with petroleum paid for out of my own wallet after income tax is deducted every month from my meagre pension. St. Greta, on the other hand, is unreachable because she is out in mid-Atlantic on an ecologically unsound synthetic-hulled vessel paid for by other people, backed up by a fossil-fuel powered engine whose fuel, should it be needed, will be financed by other people’s taxed income.

Her trip from North America to Europe is fully – completely – funded by other people. Every nautical mile of St. Greta’s voyage is being meticulously logged and blogged (with suitable editing, of course) using state-of-the-art electronic technology that relies on environmentally unsound components in high-tech electronic devices, for transmission over the airwaves up to a satellite in the upper atmosphere before that data is then bounced back to receivers on Earth. Of course, the satellite that permits the St. Greta circus to deliver round-the-clock coverage was only ever put into orbit thanks to immense quantities of fuel being used to propel its carrier rocket into the atmosphere – but let’s not get bogged down in unpleasant detail.

So it’s anyone’s guess who is living a more environmentally sound life, St. Greta and her massively funded PR retinue as it travels all over the world, including flying boat crews across the Atlantic (!), or I in my little eco-tech apartment paid for all by myself without any help from anyone apart from my own hard work over the years.

It’s a serious quandary.

Yalla, I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go for it and risk jail and the wrath of the Greens, who are increasingly coming across in an unpleasant shade of brown reminiscent of recent history dating back just 80 years ago. Who knows, they may even be so busy working on their anti-Semitic (sorry, that should of course be anti-Israel) legislation that they won’t even notice.

After all, nobody pays attention to little me, I don’t have a private armada of ocean-going vessels at my command, I don’t field an entire army of PR professionals to convey my thoughts to a global audience on taxpayer-funded TV and radio stations, or government-subsidised regime-loyal newspapers.

Nonetheless, perhaps a few people will read this and agree with me, even if that’s where it rests.